高清福利片

Sitting in the shade on the balcony of the Courtyard Caf茅, two exceptional women are meeting for the first time.

Shivani Gopal, current MBA student at the University of Sydney, sits next to Law graduate Kellie Edwards, ostensibly gathered to discuss their up-coming appearance as panellists on the聽听别惫别苍迟, . But the conversation quickly turns from the event to their different upbringings and experiences as women.

Leading by example

鈥淔or me, seeing my parents work constantly showed me a strong work ethic, but importantly I saw my parents chip in equally. It showed me that that鈥檚 what a functioning household looks like - both parents work, both parents do the household duties, both parents cook.鈥�

Shivani, founder of The Remarkable Woman, a social enterprise that supports women achieve their professional and financial goals, was born to Indian parents in Fiji. She moved to Australia as a young child and grew up in a household where both of her parents worked.

鈥淚 truly think that 鈥榮eeing is believing鈥�. When you see something enough, it becomes your reality, and you then become the architect of your own life.鈥�

Shivani鈥檚 parents loved the opportunities Australia offered but often felt isolated, struggling to find an Indian community. 鈥淲hen you鈥檙e disjointed from your own community, you work even harder to maintain this connection with the motherland and the 鈥榦ld ways鈥�. Because of that, I had a much stricter upbringing.

鈥淭here were certain things you were expected to do as an Indian woman - study really hard, get good grades, respect your elders... you鈥檙e also not allowed to have a boyfriend but are expected to magically get married at a certain point.鈥�

Two worlds collide

For Shivani, attempting to reconcile these two realities was challenging and like many other teenage girls, she started seeing a 鈥榮ecret boyfriend鈥�. Her parents soon discovered the relationship.

鈥淚nitially, all hell broke loose but then both families said, 鈥楲et鈥檚 get to know each other.鈥� When our parents met, they pretty much just discussed the marriage - when it was going to happen, how they were going to do the traditional ceremony, when the legal ceremony was going to happen...鈥�

Although Shivani wasn鈥檛 explicitly forced into an arranged marriage, her cultural upbringing meant yielding to her parents鈥� wishes.

鈥淔or my parents, it came from a place of love. They wanted the best for me but I could have fought harder. I should have fought harder.

Shivani laughs but the pain of these years is clear. 鈥淚 thought I鈥檇 lose my community and family and for a good 10-12 months, I did. In India, there鈥檚 an immense amount of shame for the woman in a divorce because she鈥檚 failed in her ability to be a dutiful wife.鈥�

For Shivani though, ending her arranged marriage was the right decision and left the path open for a much happier second marriage.

There鈥檚 a momentary pause in the room as different lives are considered; Kellie reaches over to hold Shivani鈥檚 hand. 鈥淚 think anyone who鈥檚 had a failed marriage knows there鈥檚 a grief you carry with you,鈥� says Kellie as the two share a look.

Kellie鈥檚 story

Kellie Edwards, a University of Sydney Law graduate and now barrister and solicitor at Greenway Chambers, shares her own journey.

鈥淢ine is more of a class story. My family was always very smart on both sides but very poor and with very limited opportunities for education. My dad was extremely intelligent but didn't perform well at school because he was terribly abused as a child and while my mum went to Fort Street and got a Commonwealth scholarship to become a teacher (which she didn鈥檛 take up) she also struggled, particularly when she was young, with having any confidence in her intellectual capacity."

Like Shivani, equality in the household was the norm for Kellie.

鈥淢y dad was a feminist. He stayed home for about eight years while my sister was growing up and my mother worked. He treated me like a son and expected me to conquer the world.

鈥淥n the other hand, my mum was a very influential second-wave feminist, giving me The Female Eunuch when I was a teenager. She was also adamant that women ought to have the same opportunities as men for work and education.

鈥淪o, I never had any example other than women could do whatever the hell they liked and men could make choices that were on the full spectrum of engaging with work and family. There are few things more powerful for a girl than having a mum and dad like that.鈥�

You too?

When asked -聽have you ever been the victim of sexual harassment?聽a mental eye-roll is shared between the two women as both respond, almost in unison, 鈥淥f course鈥�.

鈥淚 think every woman has experienced some form of sexual harassment or inequality in her lifetime,鈥� says Shivani. 鈥淚f there鈥檚 anything that the #metoo movement has done, it鈥檚 shown the magnitude of harassment. It鈥檚 also created a safe space for all women to acknowledge it.

鈥淔or me, I was annoyed at myself because I went into shock and disbelief. He laughed it off and his colleagues went really quiet but didn鈥檛 say anything. I was horrified that I didn鈥檛 know what to do and what to say so I just left.鈥�

Kellie places a white cardboard box on the table and opens it to reveal a black lingerie set, emblazoned with red roses. 鈥淭his belonged to one of my first clients. She was given this at a Christmas party by the CEO of the company. And nothing much has changed.

鈥淔rom my perspective, #metoo is a social movement that has opened up the way for people to have a discussion which they hadn鈥檛 been having before.鈥�

Kellie highlights that a 2014 survey conducted by the NSW Bar Association found that female barristers earned average gross fees of about half (i.e. 51.7 per cent) of what male barristers received. They also appeared far less than men in the Supreme Court and the Federal Court.

鈥淚 think the pay disparity across work of all kinds is one of the reasons it鈥檚 been so difficult for women. If you don鈥檛 have the same economic clout as a man, you don鈥檛 have the same level of power.鈥�

What needs to change?

So, what can women and men do to effect change?

For Shivani,聽 who has over 12 years in the financial services industry, change comes from transparency and accountability. 鈥淭o get that cultural shift, it genuinely takes a top-down approach and has to filter through the organisation.

鈥淟eaders need to show that it鈥檚 ok to talk about things that challenge norms and show their own vulnerability. As you comfortably call out your misgivings, you start to create a safe workspace and you start to create that level of psychological safety in others.鈥�

For Kellie, it鈥檚 about education. 鈥淭he problem with sexism, and sexual harassment in particular, is that it鈥檚 is on the spectrum of violence. It鈥檚 everything from having a dig at someone because she鈥檚 a girl, to raping her.

鈥淎nd people are not aware of their rights in general. They know in their heads that they shouldn鈥檛 be sexually harassed, but they don鈥檛 know that if they make a complaint, they have a right not to be victimised.

鈥淭hat鈥檚 the great gift of #metoo. It鈥檚 not that we should be prescribing how everyone should behave but that people should feel safe no matter where they are. And when you really get down to it, it鈥檚 not about good men or good women. It鈥檚 about how good people make social change possible.鈥�

This article was authored by Theodora Chan (BA, MECO 2010; BA, HONS 2012), Co-Founder and Content Director at Pen and Pixel, for the University of Sydney Faculty of Arts and Social Sciences鈥� April edition of the聽滨濒濒耻尘颈苍补迟别听magazine.

Shivani Gopal and Kellie Edwards will appear as panellists on the 别惫别苍迟,听, Thursday 31 May at The Old Rum Store, Chippendale.